I say this as I sit here 9 days into my marriage, a little bit disappointed. The original intent to document daily love letters to my beautiful bride for the next 365 days but my body had other plans. The day after our nuptials (more about those later) I got sick. My body’s adrenaline plummeted to what I can only imagine was my frozen chest from the outdoor photos from the day prior and I ended up with a bacterial sinus infection. I’m still groggy as hell from it, even a week on medication. Enter, family problems. Without going into explicit detail to protect the privacy of my new sister-in-law we had quite a scare a few days later. Life has since calmed down from the chaotic pace but not without repercussions to relationships both new and old. Needless to say, the first week of my marriage if we’re being honest sucked. Now I’m stuck with this sensational idea I created in my head on a high from being in love and newly engaged and it seems like walking uphill on a treadmill now.
Does it mean I love my wife any less because I don’t want to write her daily chronicles of our lives together? No, it doesn’t. She’s lived them with me from her own lense but the guilt popped in slightly. I’m a writer and I set the expectations of my self-expression very high, and my feelings rank at the top of the totem pole, so it’s a bit of a let down to fall on my face like this. However, despite the hot garbage pile that’s happened this week I have woken up every single day to same beautiful woman who keeps me company, gets me whatever I need when I feel like butt, who tries to maintain the house the way that I like it to make me happy when I’m down, and the same woman regardless of all the shit we dealt with this week still found ways to laugh and be present with me. (HA HA Take that Disney Plus, you’re only a mere tool for love!)
I have tried daily things. As bloggers and any internet influence really, daily schedules feel like the only option to achieve some sort of relevancy in a world where you could be forgotten at the click of a button. However, daily doesn’t always work for everybody and I’m starting to come to terms with the idea that it’s just not for me. Life gets busy, I get lazy, or I would rather be doing something in real life versus being a slave to a schedule. So daily, I think this is my way of breaking up with you. We’ve tried, it’s not you, it’s mostly definitely me and that’s just going to have to be the way it is.