My commute has always had this period of time where I’m forced to walk down New York City blocks. It’s usually a short walk but it’s long enough for my brain to go full speed. It seems to always be the time period of my commute where my brain decides what kind of day it’s going to be. An emotional response of some kind is triggered by this walk to whatever building I’m working in at the time. I stress this because it’s been happening over the span of the 4.5 years.
Some days I feel like John Travolta in that iconic scene in Saturday Night Fever. I’m well-dressed, I have a swagger, and I’m ready to take on the day. I feel unstoppable as whatever song is in my headphone serves as the soundtrack for this daily walk. Other days I feel like I’ve been drinking all night and barely stand on two feet. The world feels like it’s spinning and I’m suddenly forced to feel every irrational fear that my brain harbors at once. A seat and a cup of coffee (probably not the best) usually is the only remedy. It’s a weird spectrum to live within and I’m positive that it’s the product of my anxious brain but it’s something that I’m becoming more aware of and trying to get control of. I want to feel like Tony Manero every day. I want to walk down the streets with a self-assurance, a cool song in my head, and the confidence that every day is going to be a good day.
This is a short rambling, just one that I needed to get off my chest. My inner monologue is a loud woman sometimes and when she repeats herself it’s clear that she has a good reason. Enter, a blog entry for the first time in forever.