I wish I was in a better mood. I wish I had motivational things to report; like how to manage anxiety in 10 easy steps, or results from recovery. However, I am in the thick of what anxious people call a setback. While my anxiety hasn’t returned to full throttle that keeps me up at night, I am very aware of the fact that it’s there. I hate this feeling because I worked so goddamn hard to get out from under it. I was in a position that I didn’t like, I was miserable daily in my profession and now I’m finally happy in that aspect of my life. Ultimately, there’s nothing wrong other than needed stress and I hate feeling like I’m drowning in a never ending to do list that just keeps getting longer. I am very excited to get married but I will be very thankful when the planning process that so many jaded brides warned me about ends.
However, stepping aside from the general broodiness of my mood, I have found that having something to look forward to makes all of the above bearable. Lately, life has consisted of work, come home and find whatever energy I can to do wedding things/keep my house from swallowing me whole, sleep and repeat. It’s a monotonous process that keeps me in a tired haze even with sleep. With the budget being tight, we’re not able to do much “fun” for ourselves lately. We managed to score some alone time this past Saturday for a movie and lunch. There was a wedding errand in between but it felt damn good to just spend time together. It was just us and the day ahead of us. For me personally, I know “adulting” is ultimately not fun. It’s responsibility and as someone who carries as much anxiety as I can, it’s not always easy to navigate. The biggest assistance for managing all of this is setting things up for me to look forward to. I have found that like any other millennial, the need for instant gratification somehow haunts me. I want to feel better now, I want to be settled now, and I want to have fun right now. Just typing it makes me cringe. In a world where everyone’s lives is literally at your fingertips, it’s hard not to be left wondering if you’re doing everything on the appropriate timeline.
But, all good things comes to those who wait and planning little things in advance helps the budget we’re currently on. So, while I can’t day drink or go to an arcade or a con (I have major FOMO), I can plan little things out that make me want to push forward. The month of July feels promising. NYC is full of fun free things to do and we’re actually planning to take advantage. We’re going to see a movie in Bryant Park and have a picnic, we’re setting some crazy themed Stranger Things viewing in the house and my sister in law’s 16th birthday (might be costly but she’s only 16 once). Being able to look forward to things keeps me sane. It provides perspective that my life isn’t just an endless to do list of responsibilities that will somehow lead to whatever fulfillment is on the other end of the list.
What are you looking forward to this summer? Does it help manage your anxiety having little fun goals to shoot for instead of a laser focus on what’s ahead?