Hitting the Reset Button.

The last three weeks have been nothing short of chaotic. I turned 30 as I went on and on about. 30 was good, 30 wasn’t as fossilizing as one would think then wedding planning kicked into high gear. We’re in the finals months of it all, and all of the little projects and ideas and hectic guest list threw up a stiff case of reality all over my shoes. Needless to say, I’m overwhelmed, consistently strapped for time and forced to come to terms with the reality of just how fucking expensive everything actually is. We’ve been engaged since 2016 so I never fully felt the pressure of it all until now. We took care of the bigger things immediately so it felt like we had it under control until the clock struck midnight on 2019, our year and suddenly the list became 10 miles long and the stress became 200 fold.

I didn’t come back to bore anybody with the vivid details of the latest stress in my life. I came back to set intentions. In my mental health process, I’ve noticed far too often I set goals and intentions when I’m feeling like garbage and I do them until I feel better. I reach the point of feeling better and I tip toe through the comfortable tulips until my brain hits the same brick wall again and I’m back to square one. It’s naïve on my part to think that consistency isn’t the key to holding onto the good feeling I crave. I think once gratification is felt, I get lazy. I hate admitting that out loud because since I’ve come back to this site I’ve sat on my keyboard shaped soap box talking about what helps and what doesn’t, experiences where I’ve turned out the better for doing exactly what I stop doing once I hit the desired feeling. I feel somewhat fraudulent in the idea of advocacy and assistance because how I can help anybody when I’m not doing the most important thing: advocating and providing assistance for myself.

“You’re only as sick as your secrets.” They tell recovering alcoholics and it makes sense. If I’m not completely candid in my struggle and achieve a full display of vulnerability than I have no right to tell anybody else what they should or shouldn’t do. The fact is, I am anxious human being who hits depressive lows when my brain’s fear of everything becomes too much. The hardest person on me is me so in efforts of practicing what I preach, I want to share some of my intentions for this blog process and for myself personally. I think in doing so it will hold me accountable because my ultimate goal is to reach as many people as I can and help in some way. The biggest goal is to practice what I preach and to someday be a reliable form of leadership to help others in any way that I can. To me there’s nothing more meaningful than that.

Feel free to tell me your personal goals and intentions. What helps you? What do you want to do more of and consistently to help achieve optimal mental health?

Daily Goals

  • Practicing gratitude and writing positive affirmations in the 5 minute journal app.
  • 3 pages a day in the morning pages. An private forum for just me to write whatever I want.
  • Early rise: During the week: 5AM, during the weekend: no later than 8AM.
  • Be kind to myself.
  • Drink 64oz of water a day.
  • Accomplish one chore per day. Too often I let my surroundings go when I’m depressed or anxious; makes the situation much worse.
  • 1 hour of no technology per day to spend quality time with my fiancee or other important people in my life, or both.
  • Read for 20 minutes per day.

General Goals

  • 3 days a week in the gym. Even if it’s only 30 minutes.
  • Recognize when I need self-care (i.e. – grooming, alone time, extra sleep, etc.) and pursue it as adamently as I pursue all of my work or personal responsibilities.
  • Embrace change. Some days won’t be perfect, accept it and try again tomorrow.
  • Have patience with myself, with others and situations. Circumstances can change the course of everything.

Blog Goals

  • Give the site a facelift. Admittedly, I am not the best at editing (anyone who is, feel free to contact me via Twitter @JMWeberWrites) but I am trying. Most important thing right is organization and that’s my full intent.
  • Don’t force series I don’t have time for. Prompts felt like a good idea so I’d post daily but time is very short most days and trying to plan out series of daily posts falls to the bottom of the list.
  • HOWEVER, I would also like to prioritize 30 minutes a day to do a blog task: be it a post, an edit to the site or old posts. I want to continue to pursue this because I want to make my own struggle mean something. I want to know it wasn’t all just for the betterment of myself but also others too. I want to leave the world better than I found it. Every little bit helps.

Thank you all for listening. It’s helpful for me to know someone’s going to read this. Even if it’s one person, I hope that I can continue to put my best foot forward.

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