I have spent the last 20 years consumed by you. You filled my every thought, my every nerve ending, and most importantly my heart. You have given me a sense of safety being the screaming alarm that sounded when I didn’t want to do something or when something felt even the slightest bit out of my general comfort zone.
Well no more…
Fear, I can longer accept your false sense of security. It’s going to be a hard break up for us. I’ll definitely “text” you late at night in my insomniac states when I miss your safety, I’ll think about you when I feel out of my comfort zone wishing you were here to blanket me in your excuses. The fact of the matter is our relationship just isn’t healthy. It’s far too one sided for me to be a part of any longer. It’s truly you and not me and it’s time that we both accept this fate. I have to move on and now blanket myself in new feelings. Self-confidence, strength in mind and body and ultimately love come to mind as I embark on my new journey into the next chapter of my life. I’ve lived almost three decades on this earth and I will no longer allow myself to revel in the mediocrity of your faux security. Love above all else conquers the toxicity that you bring to me. I will lean into all the love around me. I will choose love for myself, love for my fiancée, and love for the family I was born into and the one I will create. There is no longer a future for us, fear we are done.
All in all, I can’t totally discredit you. You have provided a sense of protection to keep me out of the reality of harm’s way. You have given me a small sense of morals allowing me to establish bits of what I know to be right and wrong, but that’s all I can really thank you for. This is no longer enough to keep you around full time. This is enough to take with me into the next step ahead. I am excited for what’s to come, I am optimistic that I will get to live it to the fullest, and I am realistic in knowing that sometimes I will fail but resilient enough to know that I will never stop trying to be better.
Fear, it’s over. Love, it’s time for the next chapter. Let’s do this!
All of my love,